A new outlook on life... Optimism

While my mood on thursday and the end of the week as a whole can be described as bleek, at best, I find that my outlook for the weekend and hopefully all of next week is a little more optimistic. I would like to report that there was some event that made me happier, I would like to rejoice you with the exciting tale of the one little thing that made me happy. The one little thing that helped me overcome the impending doom and sadness that is my life at the moment, unfortunately there is no such thing. It's just me. I really don't want to walk through life disappointed, or unhappy, so I try to look at the brighter side of things. When there is no brighter side on the horizon, and things in the future just look worse and worse, I have a hard time being a glass half full kind of girl.

And so far this year, fate has thrown me one curve ball after another. One more thing to deal with. And I feel like standing outside and screaming at the top of my lungs, ENOUGH CURVE BALLS! I don't want to have anymore placed on my shoulders. I can't handle anymore. So I try to envision a future that is free of these stressors. Or mostly free at least. I imagine my own home perfectly decorated to my tastes and specifications, where when I put something down and come back to it a week later, it is still there (what a concept!), I imagine a world where i am surrounded by friends, and family and happiness, where I have finally found my niche. (for some reason finding my niche has been the most challenging part of life for me. I keep asking what I am meant for (because I truly believe everything has a purpose) and so far nothing). (most of the time, in this dream world buck is still there and that hurts a little).

I also envision no longer being a student, and this is more abstract for me, as I can't remember a time when I WASN'T a student. I try to imagine myself as teacher. I imagine my classroom full of young minds to inspire. This is really inspiring to me, it helps me keep going sometimes. As I am filling this post with the hopes and dreams that are in my head, that keep me going, I have to wonder if I am the only one who copes with shit, by imagining good? I try not to go back and remember good times, because it seems pointless to live in the past, but creating a hypothetical future, is that as pointless? Do I really care if it is pointless if it helps me get through?

I don't have answers, and the more I think about it, the more questions I have, so it's probably best to just leave it alone. In the mean time, when I feel down and out, or like there is just one more thing being piled on my heap of shit, I will try to be optimistic. I will think "Hey, it could be worse" and I think that is supposed to help. Because it could be worse. It could be way worse. And I suppose that if having something to look forward to is my little way to escape, that's not so bad. At least I'm not turning to something that could be bad for my health. or worse yet, illegal.