Awake.
I lay my head on the soft cool pillow. The wind blew heavy outside, strong and fierce, the rain beat down on the roof above me, but I felt safe and secure in my home, in my bed, completely enveloped in the soft down comforter that surrounded my body. I tried to sleep, but the weather outside made it difficult. The storm had begun to pick-up. The water beat down hard and heavy, and sounded as if it would break through the ceramic tiles above. I buried my head deeper into the enveloping pillow, in an attempt to block out the noise outside. A bright flash cast shadows on the walls around me, and I knew this storm wouldn’t give up without a fight.
It had been a long week and my body was tired, my mind was tired, my eyes were tired. Sleep however, eluded me. The rain fell hard and heavy, the wind blew in gales outside. Another brilliant white flash filled the room and cast shadows on the walls and the ceiling. I counted slowly in my head. The thunderhead roared with ferocious tenacity, it was closer than it had been, only ten Mississippi, but still far enough away to create a small amount of piece of mind. I closed my eyes. I imagined the black car driving on the road in this storm. I imagined his inability to pay attention. I imagined his optimism, his never-fail positive out look on life. He truly believed nothing bad would ever happen to him. I however knew that bad things happened all the time. I knew it would come. Sooner or later.
I snuggled further into the blankets. I buried my head deeper into the now warm pillow. I listened to the rain beat heavy on the ceramic roof tiles. I listened to the trees brushing against the window, against the side of the house. I heard branches crash down onto pavement. Heard the splash as a branch hit the surface of the pool outside. The floor creaked. The dog whimpered. I sat up, flicked the bedside lamp on and looked around the room. It was in truth the very same room it had always been. I was freaking out for no reason. Calm down. Take a few deep breaths and calm yourself. Maybe he is right; maybe it will all be all right in the end. I looked around the room again. The anxious feeling had become a deeper feeling of sheer boredom. I sighed and picked up a book from the side table. Focus on reading. That will help take your mind off things. As I read I tried to put all thoughts of him out of my mind. I tried to focus on the story I was reading. In truth it was a good book. A love story. I had been craving a good romance and the librarian recommended the series. She was a tall aging woman who always dressed in well-tailored suits and wore her gray hair high on her head in one of those French twists that always look ridiculous on me. She didn’t look like a librarian, but she knew more about books than anyone I knew and always had the perfect recommendation for me. I always enjoyed her recommendations.
The book had done its job well. I was enjoying the romance. I was enjoying the characters. It had gotten my mind off the storm. I read for a while. The lightning was continuing outside, but the lamp I had turned on made it less obvious. The dog whimpered. I looked at him. He was lying on the floor beside the bed; his eyes open staring at me.
“What are you whining about?” I watched him. His tail started wagging. “Come on you big oaf.” I invited him onto the bed and he came quickly, and with an exaggerated sigh lay next to me, his head resting heavy on my legs.
I continued reading the book. I glance over at the dog, who had lifted his head and was staring at the bedroom door. His ears were lifted. He was listening.
“What is it? Do you hear something?” I laid my hand on his head. He began to wag his tail.
I tried to follow the dog’s gaze. He was watching the door, but he could have heard something anywhere in the house. I heard the storm outside. I heard the water hit the tiles above me. I heard the wind blowing hard against the walls of the house. I paused. I heard a gentle roar. His engine? I waited for a moment. I didn’t hear a car door close. Didn’t hear anyone come in. I gave up. I was making something out of nothing. Again. He always hated when I did that. Told me to relax. To stop worrying about what wasn’t happening.
In the kitchen I heard a loud crashing sound. It sounded as if the world were falling. The dog heard it too. He let go a sharp ‘woof’. I set the book beside me, slid out of bed and walked slowly to the bedroom door. I pulled the doorknob and moved quickly to the hallway light switch. I listened. The dogs feet stepped lightly against the hardwood floors. He was following me, his tail moving slowly side to side. I tiptoed to the top of the staircase, the dog following along beside me. It was dark downstairs; the nightlight at the bottom gave enough of a glow that I could see each stair as I crept down slowly. One stair at a time. Some creaked as I stepped, most did not.
I flicked on the light in the kitchen glanced around and saw nothing. The dog ran over to his food dish and had a couple of bites, his tail still swishing back and forth. The kitchen was the same as it had been when I had gone to bed hours ago. The dishes were still in the drying rack, the pots and pans still hung above the stove. The drawers and cabinets all closed tightly. Nothing was out of place. I sighed. The dog had moved to his water dish. Get a hold of yourself, old girl. I listened. The rain was less noisy down here. The wind less fierce. It was in essence a much calmer house. The dog finished drinking and trotted over to his bed in the living room. I followed turning on lights as I went, first the front entryway, then the living room. The dog lay down in his bed and closed his eyes. I sat on the sofa, pulled the afghan off the back and picked up the remote. I didn’t expect to find anything on TV, but at least it would keep me busy.
I sat on the sofa flipping through the channels. I was tired. I curled up on the sofa beneath my afghan and closed my eyes. The wind was blowing, the rain falling. Another flash of lightning fell from the sky. One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three Mississippi. Four. The thunder rolled in like a thousand Indians drumming loud, fast and hard. It was getting closer. I felt the anxiety creep up my spine. Float in my mind and sit like a disease waiting to spread. I kept my eyes closed. I concentrated on the darkness. Sleep would make everything better. Sleep would make this night end. All I could see was his car driving on the road in this weather. He would not be paying any attention to the storm around him, just pushing on with the knowledge that nothing could ever hurt him. I knew better, people get hurt all the time.
I listened to the storm. I listened to the rain, to the wind and the thunder. I kept my eyes closed. In the morning, everything would hopefully be back to normal. The TV was going in the background. I listened to the sounds the house made. Listened to the dog sleeping. He was dreaming, I could hear his whimpers and his feet moving against the wood floor. The house creaked and moaned. The dog jumped up to his feet quickly and barked. Loud and fierce. He glared toward the back door and barked. I jumped to my feet; the remote fell to the ground with a thunk. I moved slowly to the back door, gripping the wall all the way. I turned on the porch light; the wind had made a mess out of the backyard. The dog stood next to me barking out the door, but I saw nothing.
“What is it? What did you hear?” I asked
He sat down next to my foot and whined a little before slumping to the ground. I sighed. I saw nothing outside, and made the assumption that he had simply heard the wind. I knew I hadn’t heard anything. I walked slowly to the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and poured myself a glass of juice. I sipped slowly while I moved slowly back to the sofa. The channel had changed from the detective show that had been on to a movie I knew, but couldn’t identify.
I sipped my juice and watched the movie. I wrapped the afghan around my shoulders and sat just watching. Waiting. The dog came slowly around the corner and lay down on my foot. The storm outside had quieted down. The rain fell lightly. The wind had stopped blowing and the thunder had passed. I lay my head on the arm of the sofa. The front door swung open quickly and fiercely. I jumped off of the sofa. The dog jumped up and ran over to the door growling.
“Hey, buddy it’s okay. Shhh!” Benjamin walked in the door and closed it behind him slowly. The dog wagged his tail and sat waiting. “Mom, what are you doing awake? I thought you would be sleeping.” He hung his coat in the closet.
“I couldn’t sleep. I’m so glad you are home. This storm was madness.”
“No kidding! It really was. Oh my god Mom, I had so much fun tonight. Thanks for letting me go. You really are the coolest Mom ever.”
I smiled at him. He hugged me and ran upstairs in a few short strides. I took a deep breath and sighed. I was relieved that he had come home. Relieved that he was all right. I chuckled a little at my silly habit of worrying over him when he was out. I locked the front door, turned off the TV and the lights before going upstairs. I stopped at his bedroom door. He had turned on some music. I knocked, and he invited me in.
“I just wanted to say goodnight. I’m glad you had a fun night.”
“Thanks mom. Goodnight.” He smiled at me and went back to the video game he had started.
I sat down on the edge of my bed. I had freaked myself out for no real good reason and was now really very tired. I lay my head on the soft pillow, which had again become cool. The storm had died down, the rain was falling softly above, the wind was gone. I closed my eyes and found it easy to fall asleep now that he was safe at home.
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